It’s twenty one years since the day of your birth,
Since first you appeared on this unprepared earth.
If I’d have known then how much trouble you are,
I’d have looked for a refund and bought a new car.
In arguments always you claim the last word.
If you’ve an opinion, it’s going to be heard.
But one time this confidence took a great toll,
When you winked at the President and prayed for her soul.
Twenty one, twenty one,
Its time to stop messing, there’s work to be done.
Your room is a bombsite in lilac and pink.
The state of it’s driven your mother to drink.
Anyone tempted to enter, beware!
Lord Lucan and Shergar might well be in there.
You “work” in your room, but you keep the door closed,
Break out in a rash when some housework’s proposed.
We spend both our lives trailing round in your wake
And tidying up all the mess that you make.
Twenty one, twenty one,
Life as an adult ain’t half as much fun.
You’re helping us both, you presumably think,
By leaving your dishes and cups by the sink.
Thank God for the fairies who take every cup
And rinse them all out and then wash them all up.
You drive like a demon and frequently curse
When Gary does not let you into reverse.
But it is your fault, the mechanics all say,
For choosing a car that is patently gay.
Twenty one, twenty one,
Please don’t fix your hair when you’re doing a ton.
You go to the Vortex and pity all those
Poor middle-aged fellers who stand there and pose.
But though they’re quite sad, lined up there on the shelf,
You can hardly be called a spring chicken yourself.
You say you’ll commit us and put us away
To get all our cash without too much delay.
But ill-gotten money will always be cursed,
And anyway we’re gonna spend it all first.
Twenty one, twenty one,
A lifetime of struggle and worry’s begun.
From Tokyo City to sweet Budapest,
You’ve travelled the world causing civil unrest.
But though we’ve encouraged you, helped you to pack,
Wherever you’ve been, you have always come back.
The shops in the Centre are your biggest fans.
You’ve been cited by many in their business plans.
It isn’t obsessive, you say it’s not greed,
But how many handbags does one woman need?
Twenty one, twenty one,
And you think we’ve believed all the stories you’ve spun?
The room empties quickly whenever you choose
To carelessly kick off your socks and your shoes.
World domination would soon be complete
If we could just harness the smell of your feet.
Despite all your failings, in one certain field
A special quick-wittedness has been revealed.
In this one regard, you’re as cute as a fox,
For you don’t have the problem of losing odd socks.
Twenty one, twenty one,
This birthday has not got much further to run.
Each night I kneel down and I pray to God that
You’ll snare a rich feller, who’ll buy you a flat.
I maybe the Daddy that you dote upon,
But sadly for you, I’m a sugarless one.
And so darling daughter, I see how you’ve grown,
And maybe you’ll shortly have kids of your own.
Compliment or not, it depends on your view,
But I’m praying that they will turn out just like you.
Twenty one, twenty one,
We hope you enjoyed your big day in the sun.
Twenty one, twenty one,
Its time to stop messing, there’s work to be done.
Since first you appeared on this unprepared earth.
If I’d have known then how much trouble you are,
I’d have looked for a refund and bought a new car.
In arguments always you claim the last word.
If you’ve an opinion, it’s going to be heard.
But one time this confidence took a great toll,
When you winked at the President and prayed for her soul.
Twenty one, twenty one,
Its time to stop messing, there’s work to be done.
Your room is a bombsite in lilac and pink.
The state of it’s driven your mother to drink.
Anyone tempted to enter, beware!
Lord Lucan and Shergar might well be in there.
You “work” in your room, but you keep the door closed,
Break out in a rash when some housework’s proposed.
We spend both our lives trailing round in your wake
And tidying up all the mess that you make.
Twenty one, twenty one,
Life as an adult ain’t half as much fun.
You’re helping us both, you presumably think,
By leaving your dishes and cups by the sink.
Thank God for the fairies who take every cup
And rinse them all out and then wash them all up.
You drive like a demon and frequently curse
When Gary does not let you into reverse.
But it is your fault, the mechanics all say,
For choosing a car that is patently gay.
Twenty one, twenty one,
Please don’t fix your hair when you’re doing a ton.
You go to the Vortex and pity all those
Poor middle-aged fellers who stand there and pose.
But though they’re quite sad, lined up there on the shelf,
You can hardly be called a spring chicken yourself.
You say you’ll commit us and put us away
To get all our cash without too much delay.
But ill-gotten money will always be cursed,
And anyway we’re gonna spend it all first.
Twenty one, twenty one,
A lifetime of struggle and worry’s begun.
From Tokyo City to sweet Budapest,
You’ve travelled the world causing civil unrest.
But though we’ve encouraged you, helped you to pack,
Wherever you’ve been, you have always come back.
The shops in the Centre are your biggest fans.
You’ve been cited by many in their business plans.
It isn’t obsessive, you say it’s not greed,
But how many handbags does one woman need?
Twenty one, twenty one,
And you think we’ve believed all the stories you’ve spun?
The room empties quickly whenever you choose
To carelessly kick off your socks and your shoes.
World domination would soon be complete
If we could just harness the smell of your feet.
Despite all your failings, in one certain field
A special quick-wittedness has been revealed.
In this one regard, you’re as cute as a fox,
For you don’t have the problem of losing odd socks.
Twenty one, twenty one,
This birthday has not got much further to run.
Each night I kneel down and I pray to God that
You’ll snare a rich feller, who’ll buy you a flat.
I maybe the Daddy that you dote upon,
But sadly for you, I’m a sugarless one.
And so darling daughter, I see how you’ve grown,
And maybe you’ll shortly have kids of your own.
Compliment or not, it depends on your view,
But I’m praying that they will turn out just like you.
Twenty one, twenty one,
We hope you enjoyed your big day in the sun.
Twenty one, twenty one,
Its time to stop messing, there’s work to be done.
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