The Monster

It is lurking in the shadows like a mugger with a knife,
It’s hiding down a dark and dingy lane.
It plans to introduce a touch of menace to your life
And things will never be the same again.

The giant F embroidered on its putrid polo shirt
Draws gasps of horror from all those who see it.
They instantly react with loud expressions of great hurt,
Instinctively deciding they should flee it.

But no hiding place can save you from this evil monster’s grasp,
No sanctuary is offered by the priest.
Upon a desert island, you’ll still feel his slimy clasp
And inhale the musty breath of this foul beast.

You can fly down to the jungle and crouch in the undergrowth,
You can bolt the doors and check each window frame.
You can hide out in the desert, or in deepest space, or both,
But he will come a-calling just the same.

Around the world, great seminars have failed to find a way
To save the population from this curse.
Science and religion have both failed to save the day,
Despite the fact that nothing can be worse.

But now there is an edict that can help you to survive
The gruesome day when this foul monster comes.
It’ll help you to outwit him and come out, not just alive,
But thriving, as this evil foe succumbs.

On the day he jumps out at you, shake him firmly by the hand
And smile and pat him firmly on the back.
He’ll look at you with eyes that simply do not understand
How come you are not fazed by his attack.

Embrace this effing monster, kiss him firmly on the cheek
And greet him with a slow and friendly drawl.
Suddenly, he’ll shrink and seem quite timid and quite meek,
And no, he won’t seem terrifying at all.