The Grand Gesture

Tradition says a single rose
Is what a girl loves best,
But I believe that’s greatly in decline.
The vapours travel up your nose
And settle on your chest,
I’m florally averse, sweet Valentine.

Chocolates can turn people fat,
Cause problems with their skin,
Even put great pressure on their spine.
Not wanting you to go through that,
I’ve thrown them in the bin,
A considerate soul I am, sweet Valentine.

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend,
But they can turn her head,
Whenever their rare lustre makes them shine.
But sure, you know the more you spend
You end up in the red –
Fiscal to the last, sweet Valentine.

I’ve heard the latest fashion
Is to give a nip and tuck,
To help augment one’s natural design.
But I’d hate that with a passion
For I like the way you look,
You can’t improve perfection, Valentine.

A trip abroad’s romantic,
And can be a lot of fun.
Who could refuse a boat trip down the Rhine?
But you’d end up going frantic,
If there’s so much to be done.
Better stay at home, sweet Valentine.

A meal for two is heaven
And a notion very sweet,
Candles and a vat of sparkling wine.
But don’t forget half seven,
Time for “Coronation Street”
You wouldn’t want to miss that, Valentine.

Your life is filled with fretting,
And I often make it hard,
I know that I can often be a swine.
And all you end up getting
Is this lousy little card,
But you know that I still love you, Valentine.