The Longest Christmas Poem Ever

“Its Christmas Eve and all is still,
I reckon that this Christmas will
Be great,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“Excitement’s running through my head!
Does Dad expect we’ll stay in bed
Till eight?”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“Oh my God, my nerves are gone,
I’m finding it so hard to con-
-Centrate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“I’ve got goose pimples on my skin,
My blood is like a river in
Full spate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“Santa’s coming, I suppose?
I’m sure the elves make sure he knows
The date?”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“When will he call to the gaff?
And how much longer do I have
To wait?”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“I wonder where his rounds begin?
In Finland, Santry, maybe in
Kuwait?”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“I hope that he comes first to me,
And doesn’t feel the need to de-
-Viate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“When Santa lands, the house will shake!
I hope that Rudolph doesn’t break
A slate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“But if he lands upon the kerb,
We ought to hear the sound reverb-
-Erate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“I hope he doesn’t fly on by,
Or bring some kind of toy that I
Will hate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“If you and me are still up when
He comes, please do not hyperven-
-Tillate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“If the reindeer don’t arrive,
He’ll have to run or walk or drive
Or skate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“I wonder are the mince-pies gone?
You know, the ones we left upon
The grate?”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“I made a list, as I recall.
You’d never want to leave it all
To fate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“Last year my friend saw Rudolph’s bum,
And saw some reindeer poo on some-
One’s gate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“A Gameboy would be very droll –
I’d run around and tell the whole
Estate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“Hedgehogs sleep until July,
Thank goodness reindeer do not hi-
-Bernate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“I hope he doesn’t bring me socks,
But loads of presents in a box
Or crate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“If he brings me clothes tonight,
I think perhaps I might get quite
Irate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“Oh, poor old Santa, spare a thought!
He has to spend all night transport-
-Ing freight,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“There’s magic in his sleigh, you know.
That’s how it flies up high with so
Much weight,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“When he comes down the chimney-breast,
Does he believe curled-up is best,
Or straight?”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“Santa is a thirsty chap,
I hope his Guinness won’t evap-
-Orate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“I’m on his list, and so are you,
Though Daddy says that’s open to
Debate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“Unwrapping presents is surreal,
Think of all the mess that we’ll
Create,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“Christmas dinner? Never fear!
I’m certain I am going to clear
My plate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“Our decorations are so bright,
And some of them are really quite
Ornate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“Mammy has an awful neck,
Thinking I might help to dec-
-Orate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“Chocolates, presents, seeing Gran,
These are things to which I can
Relate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“I really like our Christmases.
Compared to it, your birthday is
Third-rate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“I think they bought some Coke for me,
I’m pretty certain we won’t de-
-Hydrate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“What did Mammy mean when she
Said Christmas was a time to be
Sedate?”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“Down the street there lives a man
Who’s got a Santa that you can
Inflate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“Party time is so hard work,
You have to be polite and circ-
-Ulate,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“If he isn’t here by four,
I reckon I’ll be in an aw-
-Ful state,”
Said Emmet to Kate.

“Santa won’t come if you’re awake,
So go to sleep, for Goodness Sake!
It’s late,
Dear Emmet!” said Kate.