Kate is Turning Nine Years Old

I heard it on the radio
When I woke up this morning.
I thought I was still dreaming so
I didn’t heed the warning.
But then I woke up in a state,
My blood was running cold,
Because I had forgotten Kate
Was turning nine years old.


I ran downstairs quite quickly
And I turned on our old telly.
I was feeling very sickly
With a sharp pain in by belly.
They read the news at half past eight,
And this is what they told:
It’s party time today ‘cos Kate
Is turning nine years old.


I went and bought the Irish Times,
And read the whole first page.
No politics, no deaths, no crimes,
As far as I could gauge.
Just one tale did it relate
In letters big and bold –
Don’t forget (it said) that Kate
Is turning nine years old.


Down the street in Blanchardstown,
Some people did the conga.
The music never once died down,
The queue kept getting longer.
They made a line so long and straight,
‘Twas wondrous to behold,
And everyone was shouting, “Kate
Is turning nine years old!”


Across the world in South Korea,
And also in Japan,
There came a most almighty cheer
From each and every man.
In Argentina and Kuwait,
The people rock and rolled,
Singing, “Hey, ma baby, Kate,
Is turning nine years old!”

The Pope gave blessings out in Rome
Until his throat was sore.
Across the world, in every home,
They yelled out “Eight no more!”
Important work just had to wait
It all got put on hold,
Because, the people shouted, Kate
Was turning nine years old.


The Eskimos all pulled their sleighs
Across the frozen ice,
Thinking of the different ways
To make the day so nice.
They all agreed that it is great
That she is good as gold,
But better still, the fact that Kate
Was turning nine years old.


In the forests of the Amazon,
The snakes all gathered round.
“Where has everybody gone?
There’s no-one to be found.”
A lizard called out, “Don’t be late!
The tickets will be sold.
Come, join in the party, Kate
Is turning nine years old!”


An alien, way up in space,
Poked up his creepy head.
“What’s happening with the human race?
They’ve all gone mad,” he said.
“Darling, did you check the date?”
His darling wife cajoled,
“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten Kate
Is turning nine years old?”


I could not comprehend it.
How could I have forgotten?
A card? Forgot to send it!
No wonder I felt rotten!
I’ll have to wait to celebrate,
Though it has been foretold
The world will go berserk when Kate
Is turning ten years old.